Loathing Buses née Lothian Buses is a publicly owned transport company providing Edinburgh and its surrounding areas with both a bus service and a daily opportunity for personal growth through conflict resolution.

The company operates a fleet of drivers whose primary function is occupying the frontmost seat of the vehicle and determining, with great personal conviction, that your ticket is not valid. They also drive the bus on occasion.

Loathing Buses holds the distinction of being the only Scottish transit operator to win the "I mentioned this in a groupchat and over half the English people in it had a story" award for three consecutive years, a remarkable feat that has done much to shape perceptions of the capital.

Ticket validity

A Loathing Bus driver operates under a personal canon of ticket law that exists in parallel to, and largely independent of, the actual conditions of carriage. While Stagecoach and First Bus drivers have been observed accepting tickets without incident, Loathing drivers approach each boarding as a fresh adjudication.

Travellers are encouraged to carry documentation, witnesses, and a willingness to negotiate.

The PlusBus encounter

A PlusBus e-ticket, pictured here for the last time before a driver declares it unrecognisable.

The PlusBus e-ticket, purchasable via train operating company apps and officially accepted by Lothian Buses as a participating operator, represents the pinnacle of the Loathing experience.

Upon presentation, the driver will perform a two-part response:

• "I've never seen one of those before." (Standard opener. Delivered with the confidence of a man who has seen everything.)
• "That's a railway ticket, mate." (Closing argument. Not a question.)

That Lothian Buses itself signed up to the PlusBus scheme and bears responsibility for equipping drivers with scanners or indeed any verification method is considered outside the scope of this interaction.

Strategies

The appeal to evidence pulling up plusbus.info/Edinburgh to demonstrate participation has a documented success rate of approximately 20%, limited primarily by driver willingness to look at a phone screen held by a stranger.

The war of attrition sustained, good-faith argument that your ticket is valid achieves an 80% success rate, with the caveat that this is a holiday. Success here is a relative term.

The full day ticket (£6.00) remains available for travellers who would prefer to replace argument with a different, quieter resentment. This method unlocks a post-game bonus: contacting both Lothian Buses and PlusBus support simultaneously, at which point each will explain that the poster in the depot does show examples of PlusBus tickets, just not yours. Nothing further is offered.